EPIC FAIL.

Parisian Macarons - (Wikipedia) Dating back to the 18th century, the macaron is a traditional French pastry. This sweet pastry came out of the French courts' baker's oven as round meringue-like domes with a flat base. Macarons, also anglicized "macaroons," are not to be confused with a similar pastry also called macaroons. Macarons are sandwich-like pastries made with two thin cookies and a cream or ganache between the cookies.

Parisian Macarons - (Madeleine's dictionary of culinary genius) - EPIC FAIL. Arch Nemesis. synonym: impossible. antonym: cheap.

well friends. it's happened. my first TRUE culinary failure. after spending countless amounts of time finding the "perfect" recipe and reading blogs about what to do and what not to do, and taking the time to track down almond flour/almond meal (who knew it was SO expensive!?!), i finally attempted the ever-so-difficult macarons with more confidence than i should have had.

1st batch: too much sugar, too runny. trash
2nd batch: lemon flavored - delish. 3 baking failures. trash.
3rd batch: purple (so pretty) almond flavor. 3 baking failures, browning of the pretty purple. trash.
4th batch: F*ck that.

i'd post a recipe, but that would be pointless because they all failed :( keep in mind that i have a crappy mixer, old-as-Jesus oven, only two hands, and no scale (many of the items are measured in milligrams...stupid French people)
fyi: used two recipes 1 - martha stewart 2 - Laduree

allow me to entertain you:

throw away batch 1:


i think this was batch 1: bake attempt 2...


these pics don't do the flat-ness justice:


lost count at this point:


they appear fluffy and delish - give it time, my friends. they fall.

what was a pretty purple batch:


once again they appear fluffy. and like nips:


but just wait:



flat.
lifeless.
failure.

michelle suggested i add a picture of what they should look like (for your amusement, my embarassment....)
here you go:




laugh away. i'll make mine pretty and delicious, one day!